The Real Gump

My parents hated me; they said Forrest was such a pest
I had my revenge, I tripped dad and put his soul to rest.
The court ordered us to shift to Alabama.
I had made up my mind, next in line was Mama

They said I had low IQ and the crutches were not cool
But I loved to beat the kids and kick ass in school
I was strong, I was popular and I had the sadistic Jenny too
'Fun Forrest, Fun' she said when I pound the kids black and blue

I was eighteen and military service was compulsory
Damn the doc for removing my crutches during surgery
The food was bad, the beer was sad and in Vietnam there was no cream for tan
What worse could you ask for when your commanding officer was Lt. Dan

During walks I was paired with a numb nut called Bubba
Shrimp, Shrimp, Shrimp was all he said as if his mouth was filled with rubber
There came a time when I could it take no more
I planted a bullet into his head and it was the enemy I swore

The war was over, the commie’s won and America bit the dust
Lt. Dan crippled, his spirit troubled, took refuge in alcohol and big busts
Nothing affected me, the idiots gave me the medal of honor in front of mum
All it took was piles which they thought was a bullet in my bum

They said I was a natural talent and I should pursue ping pong
Little did they know, all I wanted was some Chinese ding dong
I came back home, bought a shrimping boat and Lt. Dan was my mate
We sabotaged the other boats, got our catch and blamed it on fate

I would have been on Forbes earlier had I not put my money in Apple
Damn Bill Gates and Microsoft, his windows made my finances grapple
Never the less, I came back home and found mama with a disease
I watched her die though I could relieve her pain with ease

Guess who was home tired from her travels on a mid summer afternoon
It was the psycho Jenny, who screwed me and left me again to moan
I ran across the country in search of her and to hear her sound
After 3 years, 2 months and 14 days I realized I could have taken the Greyhound

When I found Jenny she worked as a nurse and had a child with my name
Wolf in sheep’s clothing, I could see she was still the same
She pleaded and prodded, the little devil was mine she swore
I dint believe a word for I always knew Jenny was a whore

Life is like a box of chocolates my mama used to say
You never know what you get and what comes your way
I changed it little for I always believed, Life is no fair deal
If you want your box of chocolates beg, borrow or steal